AND ZEPPELINS BLOT OUT THE SUN

Saturday, March 28, 2009

BLOGTEMPEST FIVE: IT'S NOT CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE ANYMORE!!!

http://www.app.com/article/20090318/NEWS02/903180392/1070/NEWS02

BLOGTEMPEST FOUR: REALLY GOOD REALLY LONG SONGS, A LIST

BEST OF THE BEST, BY LENGTH AND SUBSEQUENTLY AWESOMENESS:

1. Cassandra Gemini by The Mars Volta (32:32)

2. Dazed and Confused (Live from HTWWW) by Led Zeppelin (25:25)

3. Dogs by Pink Floyd (17:08)

4. Goodbye Sky Harbor by Jimmy Eat World (16:12)

5. Shine on You Crazy Diamond Part 1 by Pink Floyd (13:40)

6. The Last Baron by Mastodon (13:01)

7. Desolation Row by Bob Dylan (11:24)

8. Steam Engine (Live from Okonokos) by My Morning Jacket (11:07)

9. Spiders (Kid Smoke) by Wilco (10:47)

10. Cowgirl in the Sand by Neil Young (10:06)

Friday, March 27, 2009

BLOGTEMPEST THREE: SPIRALING OUT THROUGH A CRACK IN THE SKY, LEAVING MATERIAL WORLD BEHIND, I SEE YOUR FACE IN CONSELLATIONS

When Carmen and TCS attended a Mastodon concert circa June 2007, a strange occurrence took place: after a fifteen-year-old slime master ODed on pig tranquilizers and had to be dragged away by concert security, a visibly drunk wigger accosted CP+TCS about the transcendent eminence of Atlanta's most celebrated metal band. He said that Mastodon could appeal to a stupid wigger like him because it was real music, and then he moved on to try to give his spiel to 6'5" hipster that consequently threatened to punch him(wigger) in the face, literally balling his(hipster's) fist and performing that fast arm-jerk that supposedly denotes punch-potential but kinda looks like that Rookie of the Year involuntary convulsion. Needless to say, that wigger was the one wigger who was ever right about anything. Mastodon's new CD, Crack the Skye, is a harken back to 70's album craft, tinged with psychedelia and otherworldly digressions while still maintaining that doom gallop of the apocalyptic cavalry and bad trip lyrics and their obsession with Rasputin and the Elephant Man. Occasionally, a band works to craft an actual album, where the dynamics work on a song-by-song basis and still stretch over the album as a whole, and it makes CP :) that people still manage to strive for stuff like that in this forsaken musical landscape, no matter how high they are when they do it.

On a side note, Rasputin, the famed Russian mystic/healer from the early 20th Century who was murdered for his increasing influence over the Czarist regime, had his penis excised at death, and the severed genitalia has been working its way across the world, rumors say, although some persist that the supposed remains are cucumber and geoduck. Rasputin's 12-inch member can, according to reports, cure impotency on sight.

BLOGTEMPEST TWO: SUMMER MOVIE BUCKET LIST (I HATE CHO' ROTTEN GOTS)

A list of movies that Carmen will be seeing this upcoming Summer that you should probably see, too. Some weak justifications follow.

Limits of Control-Carmen's not too big on Jarmuschiness, but he'll take what he can get in this sick, sad world.

Star Trek-J.J. Abrams INVENTED Felicity.

Brothers Bloom (Review Dependent)-Typically, Carmen sees anything with Adrien Brody's nose in it, but this movie will require a 80% or higher on the Tomatometer to garner CP's $12 USD.

Terminator: Salvation-The director refers to himself as McG.

Drag Me to Hell-A handful of Carmen's warmest memories are having laugh seizures in the basement of one Anthony Rombardo during his first viewing of Evil Dead 2.

Up- See attached picture.

Away We Go-As a post-post-modern upper middle class white person, Carmen loves all things quirk. And John Krasinski in the man in every sense of the word (man, not the).

The Hangover-See the moving scene with Mike Tyson at the tail end of the trailer.

Moon-Directed by DAVID BOWIE'S SON.

Whatever Works-Carmen likes about nine Jews. One of them stars in this movie. Another one directs it. Another is Big Gun's lawyer, Ronny G. Another is his Uncle Randy. The other five slots he keeps open, for the future. It is important to think ahead.

Year One-MICHAEL CERA IS SOOOOOO AWKWARDLY ENDEARING IT'S NUTZ.

Public Enemies-Jonny Depp=hott.

Bruno-Borat.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince-How someone thought up the letter combinations to create the word Voldemort is worth so much of Carmen's money he can't even enumerate a figure. But if he had to guess: 7 Hardcover Books+5 Movie Tickets+5 DVDS+One Magic Wand=About $350 USD, so far?

500 DAYS OF SUMMER-Quirkiness once again!

Funny People-The beginning of the end for Judd Apatow.

Inglorious Bastards-Trailer features some of the worst dialogue Carmen's heard in a while and still he is confident that Mcgowan-looking nimrod Q.T. will somehow make it impossibly amazing.

BLOGTEMPEST ONE: GIVE ME FREEDOM TOAST ANY DAY OF THE WEEK BUT THIS AIN'T HALF BAD NOT AT ALL

The Big City is, by far, the Earth's most awesomestiest city, but Paris is probably the prettiest. French people are also the nicest of the European ilk, being completely forgiving and understanding of C+S's boorish and innate penchants for guns, snake boots and appended spurs, multi-gallon cowboy hats, professional wrestling, and, of course, Nickelback. They were cordial in their crepes creation, 1664 pouring, and offerings of tiny Eiffel Towers were plentiful and annoying, and all this coalesced to make the cobblestones seem a little more cobbled, the streetlights warmer, brighter, and the berets beretiful.

Parks were top-notch. Carmen is into flowing greens and manicured landscapes in a big way and Paris offered these in bulging bountiful baskets that require amazing amounts of alliterative astuteness to even convey, rightfully. C+S's first full day there was stellar on all atmospheric fronts, topping out at 67F with minimal cloud coverage and optimal good-feeling, inner, sun-induced vibrations.

Don't be fooled by this picture! Carmen isn't actually as tall as the first rung of the Eiffel Tower. He is simply closer (in the foreground) to the photographer (S.A.R.) than the Eiffel Tower is (in the background). Perception, like most things, is relative. If Carmen were a 50-foot manchild, he would use his powers for good.

Although S.A.R is a staunch atheist, she isn't one to overlook a church's architectural virtues. Inside Notre Dame, people abused the banned flash photograph and a gypsy woman made strange equine sounds with her lips and there was NO HUNCHBACK at all. AT ALL.

This pretty church/garden setup was the setting for C+S's magnificent crepes breakfasts. The bundled French children played. Conversations trailed off. Warm breezes passed through the tress and once again all was all right. Huzzah.